Two more pills and another day complete. A whirlwind of medications just to stay standing on my own two feet.
A force fed mixture with only one single purpose and goal,
Is my deadly cocktail that’s meant to commit encroachment upon my very soul.
Who am I, I don’t even quite know. Maybe just a shell of a human now with nothing left inside to bestow.
Unrecognizable from the inside or the out, there’s no questions left, qualms or any doubts.
The path of bottled help will keep you sane and subdued, but in the end it’s only the real you, you elude.
Her eyes were usually a smokey bluish gray but now with tears forming I could see them change to a glassy ice blue in an unusual way.
They gleamed in the light and shined with pain and as they stared at mine I could see through them into her eternal thundering rain.
Her moans were getting louder and my ears were catching it all; every single sound pierced my heart like an urgent siren’s call.
I wanted to help her but I had done all I knew that I could, if only that small bit of sentiment was enough to comfort her as I wish that it would.
So I lay her head on my chest and held her body tight, knowing the only thing I could do was to stay with her through her fight.
Hopefully my presence alone would be enough to dry her tears, so those icy blue eyes could turn back to their normally colored, grayish spheres.
Where were you when my tears were falling and my heart was breaking.
Where were you when everything within me could only feel aching.
Where were you as I thought your name within my head.
Where were you as I lay alone within my bed.
Where were you when the times really mattered.
Where were you when everything was shattered.
Where were you when I inhaled my last breathe of air.
Where were you, that’s right, you’re never there.
That was the straw that broke the back
My back to be exact.
For the hundredth time, at least it seemed, I let forth my worries, my loves, and my dreams.
You, my knight in shining armour, laughed and ripped them at the seams.
Now a paraplegic with emotions of the heart, and the pain of being immobilized that has torn the rest of me apart.
I’ve been put on bed rest for an undisclosed amount of time, the back you’ve finally broken now no longer feels like mine.
My knight, my love, the one I called my own, the pain you’ve caused is searing and has left us now with moans.
My moans, my pain, my back that is broke all because of the one straw you continued to envoke.
He continued to speak but all I heard were gasps of air.
His words were no longer audible for I knew he didn’t really care.
His lies were strong and easy to believe
But it was I who would be the one to decieve
He thought I was fooled, a helpless dumb chick
Through it all though, I knew every little trick
It is what it is though and I just let it all go by
I wanted you to know though, that I do see through his lies.
Water falling, petals falling, all on a mild spring day
Wind blowing, air flowing, all through the windows upon I lay
The beauty outside has become my beauty within
For looking through to nature is where inner peace should begin
You were the light in my darkness that helped me find my way. You were my beacon of love that I followed everyday. You were the glimmer of hope within my despair. You were the stitch in my wounds so they’d no longer tear. The strength to my weakness and the beat of my heart. My muse and my passion that inspired my art.
You were my everything. You were my soul. So without you now, two is the toll. Death is imenent when the light has been snuffed out. Leaving the darkness to fester and mingle about.
My strings have been let lose instead of straight and taught. I’m hunched over with my face to the ground. Without the one who pulls my strings my body is destined to stay a pile of broken and useless pieces. I am incapable of maneuvering on my own but the one that controlled so much of me has given up. I’m alone and now must find a way to straighten my strings once again or find the strength to cut them completely. I am useless without a master and yet I still will hold the hope to survive.
My mind slowly breaks as the noise within becomes louder. The walls become weaker as they are penetrated from the inside out. An explosion is expected momentarily from the pressure building up. Louder and louder and then a small faint cracking sound finds it way through. Slowly the loudness seeps out around me becoming an echo in the wind. A continuous stream of echoes make their way forth as the once small crack becomes a huge hole and the noise that was once apart of my mind is now apart of the world.
My heart aches to think of you. It cries forth with pain. As the tears stream down my face my hearts blood does the same.
Drip by drip the pool expands. higher and higher with haste. it overflows as it grows over the max, blood haphazardly displaced
Drowning. Drowning. No will to tread the seas. Sinking to the unknown depths with sheer determination and ease.
Lost. Forgotten. Pain bubbling and searing. Blood congealing, no healing causing any humanity left to start disappearing.
Now being encased in coagulated remnants of my heart just proves my innards were always meant to fall apart.
Aching. Crying. Falling. It’s all over now. Options that a lost humanity chooses to disallow…
*I always liked this one but I never did really give it a proper finish.*
And as the night was nearly over and the world had turned its head, it was finally time to lay in my already made bed. It was made with pain and heartbreak and a side of fear, for it held my every single dropped tear. It held my dreams of the future, my present, and my past, every single little thing from the first to the last. Now as I lay here, it holds my last breathe tonight, for there is no longer anything that’s worth the effort to fight. My eyes will slowly close and dreams will ensue and finally every single one will finally come true.
Broken pieces are scattered inside
All casualties of my heart which has died
I once thought it was possible to repair
Now I know its a futile affair
Without the proper glue that you once held
My heart will never hold the weld
Forever broken inside my chest
Pieces and pain to some how digest
Too much for one person to fight
Yet here I am and to your delight
Tears are falling and pain is searing
The future is bleak and disappearing
I look forward and see the dark
The direction I shall soon embark
Leaving behind pieces of my broken heart
For you to gaze upon as your own work of art
There is no love in my heart. It’s as cold as ice and as hard as stone. There is no light left upon my soul. It is as dark as the night and as empty as the shell of the body that surrounds it. There is no life but a memorial. A spec of rememberance that still hides itself within. A shriveled piece of hope that refuses to be snuffed out by the icy darkness. It holds vigil daily and never gives up. It clings viciously to the outskirts of the horrid internal black hole. A lone memorial, fighting. So even though there would seem to be nothing, there is still everything.
A writer and his dreams are nothing to take lightly
You were self destructing, unwillingly falling prey to your minds deducting. It was reconstructing every bad memory it recalled. It made you appalled an allowed you to become enthralled with the idea of not existing. Despite my interjections you were insisting and constantly resisting to the point I felt useless and lost. You were beyond the idea of coexisting with your minds view that your life began to go askew. I wish I could make you see, this didnt have to be you, there were other options you could persue. Renew yourself and not erase. Take your pain and fear and let me replace it with my embrace. There is no reason for your self disgrace, it’s beyond misplaced. Lean on me and allow me to help you see, there are other options to set your soul free.
Sometimes talking to you makes me feel idiotic and down right neurotic My seriousness is never matched and instead disregarded. There’s a solution for that and it’s to officially have my feelings discarded so that I’m no longer bombarded by the pain that’s pumped through my body like a narcotic. my heart is now permanently safeguarded and has lost it’s ability to be quixotic, it’s comatose and will only awake with a healthy dose of its antibiotic. Thats symbolic for your heeding. I’m so tired but please, one last time, I need you to stop my bleeding. No more disregarding, I’m pleading….
My eyes can see and yet they are blind
I have ideas and yet I know I’ve lost my mind
My heart it feels even though it’s been bled
I hear sounds even though my drums are dead
You have no idea how my mind works.
Behind every corner something else lurks. It’s dark and dreary and it’s blind to the world. Ideas floating around in it’s own little dreamworld, being twirled in a colossal tornado. whipping through with no place to go though. I don’t know. Either do you. My minds an enigma times two, so fuck you. Stop trying to get me. You won’t. If you keep trying there’ll be things you’d wish to unsee, so please, just save face, just back off and leave me be.
Though around me there was white
All I saw ahead was a red just as bright
And though my skin had been frost bit
The pain I felt was from the fires that were lit
Instead of the fluffy white snow that was here
I found myself standing alone in a blizzard of fear
The flakes became my scattered thoughts
Surrounding me no matter how I fought.
The realization had finally occurred
The scene in front began to blur
For it was hell that I was truly in
Paying for all my past and future sins
My mind tried to create a sweet escape
Alas though, it just came too late
The walls had crumbled as the flames reigned high
Scorching my body with every little lie
Gone are my beautiful snowy dreams
Permanently ripped from my mind at the seams
A helpless, fearful soul, wandering alone
With silenced words and force fed moans
The devil, my friend, began smiling with grace
As he watched my own smile being burned from my face
His laughter arose through the depths of hell
As each and every part of me turned to ash and fell
What was inside, now no longer lives
For dust in the wind is all I have left to give
Reduced to nothing by my friend
Kept here for his amusement until the end