Honesty is the best policy. Right? Well I think now is a great time for a little of my honesty.
I have been attempting to run this blog for the past couple of months. I say attempting because I really don’t know a whole hell of a lot about doing it properly. It is what it is though and I have tried my best to continually post things on a schedule and even recruit others to join. I have failed on occasion. Including this week actually. I haven’t posted anything yet. No “Poem of the Week”, no submissions from other writers, not even anything I have written. I suppose that makes me somewhat of a failure. Maybe it just means I don’t care too much about the blog. Could it possibly mean that I don’t give a shit about writing anymore?
What it really is, is that I am tired.
I want to be a writer. “But you are” you might say. I suppose that’s true but really, there isn’t much I have written lately. Almost everything I have posted with my name attached are older works I have previously written. Recently the only thing I have been good at doing is simply editing, pushing the publish button, and advertising. I would no longer use the word “writer” to describe who I am anymore. Though I wish I could. I’m sure the writer is still there but it doesn’t like to come out when it’s asked to. Therein lies the reason why I am tired.
I’ve never been a fan of deadlines. I have always despised schedules. Yet here I’ve been, trying to force words to come forth when I just haven’t had them. I have always believed in writing when you felt like you had to. Writing when the ideas came. I never wanted to be someone that wrote because they were “made to” but solely because they wanted to. For the simple reason of feeling that passion building within and words begging to be scrawled. So now, I am tired of trying. Tired of trying to force the ideas when they aren’t ready. I’m tired of conforming to a set schedule that my mind and heart just aren’t in sync with right now.
So as of right now, there is no longer a schedule to the blog. At least not one I will be implementing for the time being. What used to be posts on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, will now be posts whenever I have them and can publish them.
The email address is still open for submissions to the site. I will post them if and when they come in. That will not change. My work however may become scarce for a bit or it may all of a sudden become abundant. It’s an unpredictable force of nature.
The bottom line is that I don’t know when the words will come, and honestly, that’s kind of the best part.
#writer #amwriting #writing #honesty #update #musings #thoughts #schedules #ranting #blog #blogging #posting
(I’ve been keeping this one under wraps for some time because I just haven’t had it in me to finish part II. However, I’m desperate to post something, lol. Hopefully my brain will start working soon. In the meantime, please like my blog and my Facebook page “Here”. Thank you for your support in my writing journey and even through my severe blocks. I hope you enjoy this short about a war on the horizon. Not even fully declared and already there are casualties.)
Enmity Amongst Souls – Part I
“même dans la mort tu es ma vie”
I let a tear slip down my cheek and then I slowly slid my hand over Kerri’s lifeless eyes to close her lids. I could no longer bare to look into her once brilliant blue eyes to only be greeted with emptiness where so much life used to reside.
I began to cradle her head once more when I started to feel a tug on my upper arm. I tried so hard to avoid it. Whatever was pulling me away, I just couldn’t let it. I couldn’t be taken from Kerri. Not even in death. For even though she lay in my arms, no longer responsive, she was still the life that flowed within my veins.
“We have to go…” Words were said but they came through more like small whispers upon the wind being carried from miles away. There was a nagging in the back of my mind though that was telling me otherwise. I continuously tried to shut it out but as another tug came upon my arm, it was bolted forward once again.
“We have to go now Grayson. More will be coming.” I shook my head vigorously and yanked my arm back. No. I was not leaving. I would not leave.
I began to hold Kerri even tighter refusing to let her go. “Dammit Grayson, I’m not going to let you stay here to die. They will come. Let’s go.”
An even more forceful tug came, causing me to drop Kerri’s head from my arms and snap my mind back to a slice of reality.
Cam wanted me to go. He wanted me to leave the reason for my life behind me. To run from what took that life from me. They would come. I knew they would too but I just couldnt budge.
“No. I won’t. I can’t leave her.” I frantically gathered up her head once more and laid it upon my lap.
“I will drag your fucking ass down this alley. Grayson, she’s gone. Okay? I’m so sorry but we can’t just sit here and allow for grieving right now. She did not die so that you can just sit here and weep until they killed you too. Get the hell up and let’s go.”
Tears pooled out of my eyes and trickled down my cheeks landing upon Kerri’s pale, still, face. I stared blankly at the drops knowing full well that my best friend, my partner, was right. She was gone. She sacrificed herself for me and I shouldn’t allow that to go unnoticed. Her life would always reside inside of me so why could I not walk away?
“I just can’t leave her body Cam. It’s not right.”
“If you don’t, you’ll body will be next to hers. You know she wouldn’t want that. Take my hand. We have to go.” Cam held out one hand to me and put his other to his head, cringing in pain. “I feel them getting close. We are running out of time.”
I glanced back at Kerri and then slowly began to lay her head on the ground as I slipped out from under her. I took Cam’s hand and rose to my feet. “Yeah, okay. You’re right man.” I stifled back the rest of my tears and tried to shift the focus of my mind.
I knew a war had been brewing between the Sans Couer and the Chasseurs Sans Âmes but I didn’t realize that it had finally hit it’s all time high until today. I knew we weren’t ready to fight the Sans Couer at the level they were exhibiting, so I wasn’t quite sure what we were going to do. The Âmes had a lot to prepare for and without Kerri, our strongest sorcière and love of my life, we were all as good as dead.
Even beginning to flee now, I had that feeling in my gut that we would all eventually be laying in a pool of our own blood, and on the cold hard ground, by the end of this war. This would eventually be all for naught.